“Life is essentially a cheat and its conditions are those of defeat; the redeeming things are not happiness and pleasure but the deeper satisfactions that come out of struggle.”
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
As the new year has arrived it is time once again for us to reminisce of the past and look forward to the new things to come. We set outlandish goals for ourselves we dub as “New Years Resolutions” that could easily be fulfilled any other time during the year. We also usually never accomplish these said goals and find reasons to justify the actions we have taken within out lives. In response we always say ” Oh well, there is always next year…I will definitely do it next year.” So what does this provide us with? Is it pleasure? Happiness? No, just a means for us to say we want to change without actually having to do so.
This year, I want things to be different than those past. For me, I want to set realistic goals and actually accomplish them. While I am still young, I feel like there is very little meaning within my life and I would like to change that. It is difficult to find what you want to do in life, but for some people it just comes naturally. For those of us that aren’t so lucky, it often results in feelings of failure of worthlessness. I could say this is the result of my education these feelings I am harboring, but in truth it is the result of who I am as an individual. I fed myself these false hopes and dreams the last two years I was in college knowing they were out of reach (like many of these new year’s resolutions) yet I let myself believe the charade. As a result, while I do have a degree, I have reached a place where nothing I wanted to do will ever be accomplished so I must adjust my sights to the real world and stop living in the clouds. It is time for me to become a true member of society and stop chasing these dreams that constantly force me into the throes of my own personal perdition.
While I know my dream of becoming a doctor was something I would never accomplish I let it lead me to a place where not only is that dream lost, so too is my chance of even going to graduate school. So the only left for me is to become a working member of society with nothing to show for it. As a result, I have decided to make my resolutions for the new year realistic and provide the avenue for which I am able to change and become the better man I have always wanted to be.
1) While I have one job, possibly find a second or another means to provide equal support and be a useful individual.
2) Reduce the stressful issues within my life and focus on they few good things I have.
3) Marry the person I love and not make her want to ever leave me.
4) Improve my overall health.
While this is a generic and short list, it provides the foundation for the path I desire to take.
To give up a dream is by far the most difficult thing a person will ever do in their life, especially when it is forced from their grasp. However, giving up is not the end of the journey as something else will fill the void. While this new thing may not provide as much happiness as the dream would have, it is better than nothing at all.
I leave any of you that have actually read this with another quote from the mind of F. Scott Fitzgerald from the work The Curious Case of Benjamin Button:
”For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”
So it is time I do exactly that. While I have worthless piece of paper I spent over $120,000 and a portion of my life to obtain, I will never be able to use it because I messed up that path a long time ago. It is time I start all over again, and this time let’s hope I am able to do something I am proud of.